Renae Geerlings Talks Mane AF, Marriage and Reinvention

Photography by Michele Santoro

Midlife has a way of changing the questions. For actress, producer, and storyteller Renae Geerlings, this chapter has brought a sharper focus on what matters most to her: partnership, purpose, resilience, and the freedom to stop living by someone else’s expectations.

Those ideas sit at the heart of Mane AF, the new podcast Geerlings co-hosts with her husband, actor Tyler Mane. After a year shaped by personal loss and Mane’s breast cancer diagnosis, the couple is bringing the realities of marriage, aging, reinvention, and life’s unexpected turns into the open. In conversation with LO’AMMI, Geerlings reflects on the road that brought her here, the lessons she wishes she had learned sooner, and why she sees this stage of life not as an ending, but as an opportunity to begin again.

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You grew up in Michigan, far removed from Hollywood, and eventually built a career that has taken you through acting, producing, writing, and storytelling in so many different forms. When you look back at the girl who grew up surrounded by cornfields, what do you think she would find most surprising about the life you’ve built?

I think she would be shocked at the amount of things we’ve been lucky enough to be a part of, honestly. Keep in mind that little girl was dreaming in the days before the internet. We had dreams of going out in the world and doing “something” big, but we have been a part of so many different mediums and met so many people. My life has taken so many twists and turns and afforded me so many disparate opportunities and “pinch me” moments. We met all of “little Renae’s” heroes and then some. I often have moments where I look back and just shake my head at what a crazy ride it’s been.

Now you and Tyler are taking some of those life experiences straight to the microphone with Mane AF. The show is tackling everything from marriage and dating to aging, reinvention, purpose, and the general mayhem of midlife. What made this feel like the right moment for the two of you to start having those conversations publicly?

This year has been a turning point for us for sure. Tyler’s cancer diagnosis and the sudden loss of both his brother and my father put a huge spotlight on the fact that no matter where you go or what you do, the clock will always keep ticking, and there are some universal human experiences that you can’t avoid. We both felt the impulse to open up about them and how we are trying to navigate this phase of life. The positive response to our work with DeliverFund to raise awareness about human trafficking and then Tyler’s honesty about his journey cemented for us that now is the time. Like we keep saying, we’re not experts or gurus, but maybe our work to get through this phase of life can be a help to other people. And it gives us the feeling like we can use our losses in a positive way, which is also healing for us.

Your relationship with Tyler has obviously been tested in a very different way recently. You were the person who encouraged him to keep pursuing answers about the lump on his chest, even after it had initially been dismissed, and that persistence ultimately helped lead to an early breast cancer diagnosis. How has going through his diagnosis and chemotherapy together changed the way you think about partnership—and about trusting your instincts when something doesn’t feel right?

Tyler and I have been together for a quarter of a century.  We have been through many ups and downs, but we have been so blessed for so long that we hadn’t dealt with a true loss. Losing two family members in close succession and seeing the words “invasive ductal carcinoma” shook us both to the core. It’s one thing to know the platitude “tomorrow isn’t promised” is true.  But when it comes knocking at your door, it changes you. Priorities completely shift. The vows, “in sickness and in health” and “till death do us part” become more than just something you say. And the idea that there’s always more time for a do-over is no longer taken for granted. We’ve always had an open dialogue and good communication, but I feel like these last five months have landed us in a much tighter lockstep moving forward. And I think we became much more protective of each other. We don’t gloss over anything these days and put it off for later.

One of the ideas behind Mane AF is that midlife isn’t an ending—it can actually be a period of reinvention. You’ve also spoken about women becoming especially powerful during this stage of life. What do you understand about yourself now that you wish you had understood at 25 or 30?

I spent my 20s and 30s trying to please other people while getting caught up in the day-to-day of just trying to raise a family and build a life. I put off certain dreams and interests because I simply didn’t have time and tried to be everything to everyone at the cost of losing myself a bit. This last decade, I’ve become much more protective of my own time and owning up to things I’ve been trying to “be” that don’t truly serve me. I can look back and evaluate why I made the choices I made, knowing that I did the best in the moment, and it’s given me some “A-ha!” moments about who I am at my core. In some ways, it’s like I can finally take a deep breath and drop a weight that I’ve been choosing to carry. I wish I’d understood better at 25 that being a people-pleaser puts the focus too much outside of oneself. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a helper, there has to be a balance of not throwing yourself over at the same time.

Hollywood can have a particularly complicated relationship with women and aging. Has your own definition of beauty or confidence changed as you’ve gotten older, and do you feel like you’ve become more comfortable deciding what actually works for you rather than chasing whatever you’re “supposed” to be doing?

I’ve realized that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so no matter what you do, there are going to be some who find you beautiful and some who never will, no matter how much effort you put in. Chasing some ideal of looking like a lithe, young 20-something is a losing battle because you cannot keep it. Authenticity and being comfortable in your skin with your own individuality is the only thing you can carry with you forever.  And how you look is ultimately so much less important than how you make other people feel.

Speaking of what actually works, your beauty philosophy sounds refreshingly simple—the fewer steps, the better. Between skincare, self-care, your friendships, and the little rituals that keep you grounded, what are the things you genuinely rely on when life starts feeling especially chaotic?

The idea of “triggers” has become very popular, but I like the opposite concept. That of “glimmers.” Tiny moments of joy and beauty. A quick call with a dear friend, a beautiful sunset, the smell of gardenias, my dog plopping next to me with a contented sigh, a great cup of coffee. I try to look for those moments as often as I can. There is always an opportunity to smile and laugh and feel gratitude if you’re looking for it.

You and Tyler have also turned storytelling into something with a larger purpose through The Last Spartan: Red Tape, which connects its action-driven world with support for the fight against human trafficking. Between that project, Mane AF, acting, and everything life has thrown at you recently, what kinds of stories or conversations feel most important for you to put into the world at this point in your life?

Man’s greatest fear isn’t death; it’s being alone. Sarah Bareilles recently said, “Connection is medicine,” and it hit me like a rock. No matter who you are, you can’t do it alone. Another quote I love is “We are all just walking each other home.” So I want to find a way to hold up a candle in the darkness and make people feel less alone. If I can do that, even in a small way, then I will feel like my short time on this planet had a purpose.